Never Assume they Can't!

Today I found a wonderful list of "rules" to help caregivers help people with Alzheimer's. It was written by Jo Huey in her 1996 book Help and Hope (available at www.alzheimersinstitutellc.com).

10 Absolutes for Alzheimer's Caregivers

1. Never Argue.......Instead, Agree

2. Never Reason........Instead, Divert

3. Never Shame ........Instead, Distract

4. Never Lecture........Instead, Reassure

5. Never say "Remember".......Instead, Reminisce

6. Never say "I Told You"....Instead, Repeat and Regroup

7. Never say "You Can't"..........Instead, do what they CAN

8. Never Command/Demand....Instead, Ask/Model

9. Never Condescend..........Instead, Encourage/Praise

10. Never Enforce........Instead, Reinforce

I'm going to post this on my mirror (refrigerator, wall, bulletin board, or whatever!)!

Yesterday, I dropped by Dad's house to see how he was...He was in such a great mood! He was laughing and smiling and joking around. It was so uplifting to see him so happy.

We needed to have Dad's power service switched into his name, so I offered to help him. I dialed the number and spoke with the man with the power company, explaining what we needed. They needed to speak with Dad to confirm that this is what he wanted, yada yada. I expected to just hand Dad the phone for him to say "whatever she says", as usual, but he kept talking, answering the questions himself! He did have to ask what some of the answers were, but he wanted to do it himself. At one point, he was put on hold. He looked up, laughed, and asked, "what am I doing again?". I had to leave before the phone call was completed, but Dad's caregiver said he finished it and got the power connected by himself!

When I got home, it really hit me that I need to let him do things by himself, unless he wants help. By jumping in and doing everything for him, I'm giving the message that he can't do it. I think it was good for his self-confidence and self-esteem to complete the call himself.

Lesson: A variation on Absolute #7:
Never Assume they Can't...Help them succeed at what they CAN

After the visit, I told his caregiver that Dad seemed happier than I'd seen him in a long time. She said he's been so much fun the past few days, joking and laughing. Apparently, the medication the doctor gave him to sleep is working amazingly well, and he's sleeping like a baby (Why do people say that? Babies don't sleep that well!). I really think that's one reason he's in such a great mood...he's not dead-tired!

This has been one of the Good Days! Praise God!